Notes From Babel

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Joe Dirt Proves God Exists

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In the comments on this post at Ben’s Law, Ben and I discuss the subject of why God is necessary for objective morality and epistemology. It occurred to me that David Spade provided a great contemporary, and amusingly crude example of the necessity for an immovable cornerstone to our intellectual reality. This exchange takes place when Joe Dirt takes strong exception when his new friend, Kicking Wing, describes the wimpy inventory at his fireworks stand:

Joe Dirt: Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where’s the good stuff man?
Kicking Wing: Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
Joe Dirt: Are you nuts dude? You need stuff that’ll explode. Go boom!
Kicking Wing: Why is that good?
Joe Dirt: Well, duh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good?
Man, firecrackers, ya stick ’em in mailboxes, you drop ’em in toilets, shove ’em up bullfrogs asses.
Kicking Wing: I would never do that, because one day I’m going to be a veterinarian
Joe Dirt: Well there you go, one day a bullfrog has a M-80 up his ass, he comes to you, you win twice brother.

That’s actually quite a good bit of philosophy.  If we cannot agree on certain basic fundamentals, such as that God exists to hold together a common moral framework, then we’re left to lamely quibble over whether tyranny is undesirable, whether the Holocaust was evil, or whether Castro is a seething scumbag.  The answer to all those questions, just like the answer to why trees, sunsets, and boobs are all good, is not yes, no, or abstain—it is simply “duh.”

And there you have it, the closest proof to the existence of God that you’re likely ever to find.  And you have the guy who popularized “ri-dong-culous” to thank for it.


Written by Tim Kowal

September 29, 2009 at 9:43 pm

Posted in Religion, Theology

Tagged with ,